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See that guy right over there? No, not him. No, not him either. Put the damn mirror down and look at me. No, not ME me, look at the picture on the computer. YES. Okay, let's start over.

See that guy right over there? Oh for Pete's sake, now you're just messing with me.

So, are you ready? I know you're not, but just play along. Look! I know, this isn't easy for me either. I only have so much time to tell the story, and so little space to do it in, so please just get ready.


Once upon a time there was, and there were a bunch of people that went there. I was one of them.

I remember going to Barnes and Noble on September 20, 2004, at 11:30 PM. They were having a midnight sale for the newly released Star Wars DVDs. I stood in line behind fat princess leiaand a couple of stormtroopers who had probably watched their battered copies of Star Wars on VHS in preparation for watching the same damn movies in glorious DVD standard resolution. I wished them nothing but the best but the Empire had to offer, but was ready to throw at least four Ewoks (or one Jar Jar, it's a balanced equation) at them to buy The Dark Tower. I remember getting home around 1 AM and immediately tearing into the book, and beginning to tear up when Callahan made his peace with dying. I remember my roommates turning from the television (which must have been a major effort considering that they were viewing Luke's landspeeder finally look like it was actually floating thanks to the marvels of DVD) and I remember them telling me that if I was going to spoil the book for them I needed to go away. Dave even told me that he could tell Callahan had died just from the KIND OF TEARS I WAS ABOUT TO CRY. Fuckin' A.

I remember a guy called Tolkeneite suggesting that we use one of forums to create a one of a kind piece of fan fiction (though we were all too proud to call it that) and I remember pouring several days of my life into THE DARK TOWER: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE. It started off good, then got bad, and then it stayed mediocre for about a week, then it got REAL GOOD, and then Roland got sick, and that was bad, but then it got better again before plummeting to an all new low before rising slightly above the mediocre note it had hit before to settle on, "well, that's not bad" and then we all got our own ending and mine was the best.

Previous to that I remember about all of my friends telling me I should read The Dark Tower series, and I finally capitulated because The Talisman was one of my favorite novels ever and when the sequel came out I didn't know about it and then when I found out I bought it and I read it and I remembered that scene from Insomnia with the Crimson King and thought you know what I really ought to give those Tower books a shot and it turned out that it was perfect timing on my part because I finished reading Wizard roughly 19 days before Wolves was released so that was pretty awesome and if anyone is getting aggravated over this run on sentence you need to chill out because in Drawing there is a sentence that goes on for over two pages, did you realize that when you were reading it or was it just AWESOME??????

So, yeah. I'm a tower junkie.

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